Quiet Time

The great omission in American life is solitude; not loneliness, for this is an alienation that thrives most in the midst of crowds, but that zone of time and space free from outside pressure which is the incubator of the spirit. — Marya Mannes, author and critic

In today’s constantly connected world, finding?solitude has become a lost art.?In fact, Western culture tends to equate a desire for?solitude with people who are lonely, sad, or have antisocial tendencies.?But seeking?solitude can?actually be quite healthy.?In fact, there are?many physical and psychological?benefits to spending time alone.

Benefits of Seeking Solitude

1. Solitude allows you to reboot your brain and unwind. Constantly being “on” doesn’t give your brain a chance to rest and replenish itself. Being by yourself?with no distractions gives you the chance to clear your mind, focus,?and think more clearly. It’s an opportunity to revitalize your mind and body at the same time.

2. Solitude helps to improve concentration and increase productivity.?When you remove as many distractions and interruptions as you can from your day, you are better able to concentrate, which will help you?get?more work done in a shorter amount of time.

3. Solitude gives you an opportunity to discover yourself and find your own voice. When you’re a part of a group, you’re more likely to go along with what the group is doing or thinking, which isn’t always the actions you would take or the decisions you would make if you were on your own.

4. Solitude provides time for you to think deeply.?Day to day responsibilities and commitments can make your to-do list seem as if it has no end.?This constant motion?prevents you?from engaging in deep thought, which?inhibits creativity and lessens productivity.

5. Solitude helps you work through problems more effectively. It’s hard to think of effective solutions to problems when you’re distracted by incoming information, regardless of whether that information?is electronic or human.

6. Solitude can?enhance the quality of your relationships with others. By spending time with yourself and gaining a better understanding of who you are and what you desire in life, you’re more likely to make better choices about who you want to be around. You also may come to appreciate your relationships more after you’ve spent some time alone.

Despite knowing these?benefits, it can be a challenge to find time alone in a world that seems to never sleep. Here are a few ideas to help you find more time to spend with?yourself.

? Disconnect.?Set aside some time each day to unplug from all the ways you connect with others. Turn off your cell phone, Turn off your Internet. Turn off your TV. If you use your computer to create, such as writing, then?write without all the bells, dings, and beeps that come along with being connected to the Internet.?You’ll be amazed at how much more you can get done when you’re not distracted.

? Get Up or Get In Early. Wake up a half hour or an hour earlier than everyone else in your house and?use that time to create, produce, problem solve, meditate, or whatever makes you happy.?This strategy also works if you can get to work before everyone else arrives and the phones begin to ring.

? Close Your Door. It’s simple, but can be very effective. A client who owns a?community-based magazine?puts a sign on her door when she doesn’t wants alone time.?The sign reads “I’m editing or writing. If the police are here, the office is on fire, or George Clooney calls or stops by, you can interrupt me. If not, please hold all questions until my door opens.” She?said that she decided to put up the sign after she realized that her presence in the office was a stimulus for questions. “Whenever?I was in the office,” she said, “it seemed like there was one question after the next. I was constantly getting interrupted, and it was hard to get my work done. Then I noticed that on the days I was working on a story outside the office, my phone hardly ever rang, even if I was out the whole day. Apparently, whatever questions came up somehow got handled without me. It made me realize that just by being in the office I was a magnet for questions. So I put up the sign and it works like a charm.”

? Use Your Lunch Time. Don’t spend your lunch time working at your desk. Don’t spend it running errands. And if you regularly go out to?lunch, don’t think that it always has to be with others. Once a week or even just a couple of times a month, commit to spending lunch with yourself. Walk. Sit in the sun outside.?Go to a park and eat. Enjoy the time you have alone.

? Schedule solitude. Literally. Mark off time in your day planner or calendar for spending time with yourself.?If you can make time for?all the little extras you fit into your day, like stopping at Starbucks or picking up something at the mall, you can schedule?time in your calendar for solitude. It doesn’t have to be long. Any time that you can spend alone with yourself to reboot, meditate, focus, relax, create, produce, and/or think deeply is better than no time.

In my next post, Why You Shouldn’t Feel Guilty about Stealing a Little Time for Yourself, I?talk about ways to negotiate alone time with friends and family and how to avoid feeling guilty about it. And if?you have effective strategies you use to steal a little time for yourself, please share them with readers?in the comments section below.

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Whether you’re single, married, or in a relationship, the demands of life and the expectations of those nearest and dearest to your heart can make finding time for yourself a huge challenge. Between dedicating time to?parents, children, partners, siblings, in-laws, nieces, nephews, friends, colleagues, and work,?it’s hard to even dream of?stealing?a little time for yourself.

Couple that?with the guilt that many people,?especially women,?experience?when they manage to find?a few moments of time for themselves,?and it becomes clear why so many?people feel that finding time for?themselves isn’t worth the effort. But worth the effort it is, and not only because of the personal benefits you’ll reap. Alone time has?interpersonal benefits as well.

As I described?in my recent?post, 6 Reasons Why You Should Spend More Time Alone, the personal benefits of solitude are many.?Taking time for yourself?gives your brain a chance to reboot, improves?concentration, increases productivity, helps you discover (or rediscover) your own voice, gives you a chance to think deeply, and helps you?problem solve more effectively. It also gives you a better sense of balance and self-awareness that can lead to a better?understanding of?yourself–what drives?you, what inspires you,?what excites you. This,?in turn, can?have a positive effect not only on the quality of your relationship with yourself, but?also on the quality of your relationships with others.

But in today’s world,?how do you find the time to give?to?yourself? And equally important, how do you deal with the guilt when you somehow manage to find it?

“Finding” Time

As overscheduled as our lives are these days, it can be quite a challenge to?find time for yourself. There are a few things you can do,?such as using your lunch hour, waking up a little earlier than everyone else, and temporarily disconnecting from your gadgets (see 6 Reasons … for more details). But if you’ve tried these tricks and still can’t seem to find any time to schedule for yourself, then you may need to take a hard look at your schedule and your priorities.

What are some things you’re doing now that can be consolidated or eliminated? Is there anything that can be postponed? What can be delegated? Maybe it’s true that you can do things better than everyone else, but in most schedules, there are some things that don’t need to be done better; they just need to be done. By delegating those tasks, you can free up some time for yourself, which may be much more productive in the long run than doing everything?yourself.

Another important point to remember is that you don’t have to come up with hours and hours of alone time. Just start off small and see what happens. Hopefully, the little bit of time you steal for yourself will become so reinforcing that you’ll find more and more ways to get more of it.

Overcoming?the Guilt

Some people, particularly?women, feel guilty about?taking time for themselves.?They see themselves as the one who should be taking care of everyone else, and their needs often fall by the wayside. However,?taking care of yourself?is something that?you should never feel guilty about. It not only models healthy behavior for the ones you love, it also keeps you?happy, healthy, and strong so that you can continue doing what fulfills you; and if that’s taking care of others, then you’re in an even better position to do that.

Moreover, guilt is counterproductive to reaping the full benefits of solitude. If you spend all or even some of your “found” time feeling guilty that you found it,?then doesn’t that defeat the purpose?

If you need even more justification to lose the guilt,?consider these points:

? Spending time with yourself?is?time well spent because it makes you a happier person to be around.

? Spending time with yourself benefits?everyone?because by having a happier and healthier mindset, you’re in a better frame of mind to take care of the people who are important to you.

? Spending time with yourself is?preventative medicine to combat?burnout. What good will you be to anyone if you eventually burnout? (And you will if you don’t take care of yourself.)

Overcoming Resistance

Once you begin making time for yourself, dont be surprised if you don’t run into a little resistance from those in your life who are used to you always being available.?There are many reasons why this resistance might happen–insecurity, overdependence, feeling slighted or rejected, or simply because they have become accustomed to always having you around.?Don’t let their resistance stop you. Reassure these people that you’re still there for them, but in order to be there for them over the long haul, you also have to also take care of yourself. Then, do it! Just as they’ve grown accustomed to?you always being there for them,?they’ll get accustomed?to you taking time for yourself.

Hopefully, the ideas I’ve shared here will leave you inspired and motivated to find?ways to make time for yourself. If you need a little more inspiration, here’s a?quote I like from Marty Herald’s Personal Growth and the Art of Inspired Living (link is external) blog. She writes, “When we take some time to solely think about ourselves, and not?have to consider our impact on others, we begin the process of true self-awareness. It can be a little daunting at first, but the result of this awareness is that you learn what drives you, what excites you, and what motivates you. This new-found self-awareness is a beautiful thing and it can have a dramatically positive effect on your life and relationships.”

So give yourself a gift that will keep on giving … time for yourself.